guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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