he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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