and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
