dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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