Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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