Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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