i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
