im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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