forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
