Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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