Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
