just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize