I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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