You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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