i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
