There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
