i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize