woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
