I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
