The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize