Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize