thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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