Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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