And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
