real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
