Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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