you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
