census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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