life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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