it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
