Have you finally orgasmed yet?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
