We need to rekindle our bromance
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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