I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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