pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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