I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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