he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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