my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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