if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
