I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
