Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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