After last night, I could never be a politician.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
