Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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