And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Randomize
