I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
