Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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