I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
