I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
