we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
