My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
