This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
