The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
