i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
