We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
