one two three fourrrrnication!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
