Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
