I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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