I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
