oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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