ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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