Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Send help, water and tortillas.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
