What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
