By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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