the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
