umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
