I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
