I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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